The Truth about the Peanut

A peanut is neither a pea nor a nut. The peanut is actually from the dairy group, a cousin of eggnog and highly poisonous. It is so named because it looks like a nut found in a pod that resembles a peapod – if you squint and tilt your head a little. The peanut was discovered in 1972 by a French Monk now known as Saint Johnay (pronounced Ko-ko-san-chez). He was a portly chap who liked to poke at mud with a stick. One day, while poking around in a cow pasture, a tiny peanut flew from the end of his stick. He picked it up and decided to study it. After weeks of examination, he threw it away. His fellow monk, Callumnoki (pronounced “Pay-ter”) recovered it, cracked it open, ate the contents and died 10 minutes later. Callumnoki owed Johnay 15 Francs. This is why deadbeats use to throw peanuts at collection agencies on All Saints Day in Quebec, Milan and Dunlap, Iowa – it was a threat as if to say “We can kill ourselves at anytime and leave your money uncollected.” This tradition ceased in 1985 when laws were passed that could enable collection agencies to claim estate amounts for owed debt. The lesser known tradition of hiding peanuts in the ground and giving children poking sticks is still practiced every Tuesday in Bakersfield, North Dakota for 10 minutes right before Jeopardy.

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