2.02.2006

The New America

I have taken it upon myself to redesign America. No, I’m not talking about Legislative or Capitalistic Social what-have-yous, I’m taking about the map of the United States (and Commonwealths) of America. Look at the mess down below:



Wow. So many curves and jagged edges all over. It looks like the further West they went, the wiser they got, but were afraid of redoing the earlier work. Now don’t give me all that about rivers and mountains and population, if Americans have a right to speak their mind, they have a right to live in adequately spaced and proportional states (and commonwealths.)

Now, let’s begin:


First, let’s just combined that whole Northeastern section into one state. Do we really need Rhode Island by itself? It's smaller than my morning commute! Can’t Vermont and New Hampshire get along? Of course they can! So, here is our new state of … New England. The postal code can be NE and we’ll change Nebraska’s to NA. That shouldn’t confuse many.

Let’s move on…


Allright, this is an easy one.

The Problem: Panhandles.

The Solution: Oklahoma has gotten away with this for too long. We’ll give Texas the extra bit (because you don’t mess with Texas, that’s what I hear on the street anyway) and will cut off Florida’s and divvy it up between neighbors. This is looking promising. On to the next!


Okay, here we straighten out the lines set up earlier to be a little neater. The proposed “purple” state will be economical since only 100 people live in this area anyway. Although, I’m starting to think that even the Purple state (PS for the postal code) isn’t very shapely. Even Texas is starting to look really unflattering.

I can see where this is going. Even if I do organize the borders into respectable squares, we have the natural boundaries of the continent that throw the whole scheme off. Stupid oceans!

Allright, the best way to deal with this is to organize a large scale landfill into the Atlantic, Pacific and Gulf of Mexico to fill out the rough boundaries until a result as such is achieved:


There! Perfectly edged and everyone can literally have, “their own corner” of the world.Here is a proposed satellite shot of the New USA:


The unevenness is a result of the oceanic erosion and the curvature of the earth, but do not fear, there are plans underway to fix that issue as well:


We’ll just find more dirt somewhere else.

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