6.29.2006

No, I'm not ready for some football

I’m not much on sports. It wasn’t until college that I figured out what “RBI” meant. “Roast Beef International” didn’t seem to fit and now I’m glad I was corrected. Still “Runners Batted In” is kind of nebulous to me in the realm of statistics. I mean, I don’t know how it applies and I don’t want to know. Even if you told me, I’d still feel like I missed something, as in “to be in sports you must start early” – kind of like when you transfer to a new high school in 11th grade and you graduate with strangers.

Oh wait I did that too. Now you know why it’s hard for me to like sports…. kind of…

Football is just as bad. I remember watching a game that was in a place where cartoons should have been. It showed a bunch of guys standing around. When there was action, it didn’t last for long. Some guy knocked the other guy down with the ball. “Don’t do it! He’s just going to knock you down again!” is what I thought. My wife explained football to me. It seems like a lot of effort.

Tennis. A tennis match can last for weeks summed up in grunts, applause and tight shorts. The less said about this, the better…

Hockey seems like fun, but I can’t get past the ice skating thing. It just doesn’t seem like people should move on ice with sharp metal on their feet. But that’s just me.

Basketball is a sport that I like to watch at a minimum. That should say a lot. But don’t watch a game by saying “I think I’ll pay attention to how much the shoes squeak” because it’s hard to get away from it.

Golf. I’m sorry – I almost fell asleep after typing that word. Moving on…

In short, I wasn’t born with the sports brain implant that a lot of guys get at birth. And I’m okay with that. I use to joke that when you are watching the Super Bowl, I’m out with your girlfriend. That was so not the case. Chances are I was asleep somewhere. But don’t feel bad for me, I was probably watching golf.

2 comments:

Chris Cree said...

I'm with you! I totally lack the sports gene too. I'd rather read something. When a group of guys start talking stats my eyes quickly glaze over. I hated statistics in school, why would I want to talk about the subject for fun?

Now where's my book...

Eric said...

What is this "book" thing you speak of?

Actually, I will always regret not reading as much as I should have. Perhaps spending my school years eating cheetos and watching Tiny Toons wasn't the most productive course of action.

Of course, if one my age is spotted reading "Encyclopedia Brown" in public without a small child nearby, confused stares would be inevitable.