5.26.2006

XBOX 360 - It's Heavy

I purchased an Xbox 360 for my company the other day. And before you say “Dude, are you hiring?” I want to clarify that we are giving it away at a music festival. So no, we don’t sit around and play games all day. Or at least we’re not suppose to as there may be a few people “taking a break” as it were.

The Xbox 360 is a something that I’ll never own. And that’s fine. Primarily, I hardly have time to do responsible things let alone stare at a TV for hours on end doing something that really matters little in the grand scheme of things – or to my wife.

Technology is heavy. I had a ColecoVision with an Atari adapter and realized that the combined weight of those with an NES is only a fraction to what the Xbox 360 weighs.

The thing is a frickin’ piece of lead.

It comes in a box about as big as a box of laser checks and costs about as much as my first car did. I can’t fathom buying this for a kid younger than 14. If you do, the kid better treat it like a shrine because kids shouldn’t be entrusted to heavy technical things. Let me change that. “Kids shouldn’t be entrusted with anything over $100.”

You could also say, if you can carry this Xbox home you can play it. But then you run the risk of the kid dropping it and your $400 machine becomes a very heavy blinking box.

To sum up: Learn to fly kites. They’re light, cheap and gets you into the fresh air. Goodness knows kids can learn that the bright irritating sphere in the sky is called “The Sun.”

5.19.2006

No Update

This is an update to tell you that there is no update this week. None. Don't even think about. I happen to be sick. So sick that I can't even type or look at a computer ... like this one. Yep, nothing I can do about it - some kind of bug that the doctor said is going around in bagged salad. I didn't have any bagged salad so I'm not sure what to make of that. So while you wait for my fever to break, I encourage you to check out the many other fine articles on this site.

So, to sum up. No update at all. Nada.

Stay away from bagged salad for the next few weeks just to be safe.

5.11.2006

Read the Ingredients

Why do we eat chemicals? I don't ask that in a judgmental way, I'm just curious. It is odd to me that we'll abstain from totally natural foods like sushi, raw egg, or steak tar tar and totally give into preservative laden processed cheese food in pasta-based pasta shaped pasta that can be warm and gloppy in 30 seconds.

I guess that's America. We stand behind the FDA and the USDA to take care of us to the point that if we attempt to leave the country, we need a series of injections in order to stay healthy. The main goal of any foreign travel is: Try to stay out of a foreign hospital.

Why? Sanitation? No, because your PPO won't cover it.

It's best to avoid any sickness. Just say no. Sure, you may be tempted with a strain of flu, but trust me, you don't want it. I use to say "If you can't pronounce it, don't eat it" - and that's why I don't eat General Tso's chicken. Tsoa? Tusao?

See??

Teremonotryglutenate may make a creamer Twinkie filling, but is it really worth it? Tetradexohymate may make my windows shine, but should I put it on a ham sandwich? Probably not. But if I was to find out that Tuna sashimi takes oil out of silk, would I still hesitate to eat it?

Probably not. But I wouldn't do it overseas.

5.03.2006

Read the Directions

Once upon a time, long ago, I worked for a man that I really wanted to respect. The problem was that he kept making bone-headed decisions. First, I want to say that the decisions were boneheaded. I’m not here to make judgment calls on character. I'm here to be sorta funny. Yes, it’s a thin line between saying “You’re a buffoon” and “You’re acting like a buffoon,” but you have to admit that the defense is pretty thick in technicality … no matter the level of buffoonery.

Anyways, I wanted to bring an event to mind that will serve the general public:

“Read the directions.”

When you buy Rain-X or some other windshield film polish-type-stuff, apply it to your windshield. Do not pour it into your washer fluid container.

Did this actually happen? Probably to someone out there. Did it happen to the man who did boneheaded things? Maybe, but the exchange went like this:

Setting: Two men traveling to a trade show in a van. It’s raining. It is roughly 2 hours before the younger man realizes he is going to watch the older man buy socks.

Older Man: Man, it’s really coming down. You can hardly see
Younger Man: Yeah, I keep thinking about getting some Rain-X for my car
Older Man: Ugh! That stuff is terrible. It gummed up my hoses and I had to get the unit replaced
Younger Man: (Silently processes this statement for years to come)

The lesson here is:

Read the directions and keep sock buying a private matter – otherwise your future decisions will be considered boneheaded.