6.22.2008

2 Jerks from the Bible

The Bible is pretty awesome. Between the weird ceremonial clothing washings and the thick book of praise songs are some really gritty narratives. Surprisingly, these stories feature the ugly side of some more prominent faith heroes. There are, however, certain individuals who are just jerks. Now, many characters do jerk-like things; like David stealing another dude's wife and then having him killed in battle - that's pretty low. But there are other characters that don't show any redeeming qualities to the character. I'm not judging these guys, the Scripture seems to just point it out as "don't be like this guy."

Here's some jerks in the Bible:

Achan (Joshua 7:1-26)

The Israelites were having a great campaign - kicking butt and giving glory to God. God gave a strict command to not hoard any treasure and everyone obeys - except Achan. Achan hides some loot before Josh and crew head to Ai. The battle between Israel and Ai was to be the North Carolina Vs. Johnson City Tech and Hairstyling Correspondence School Basketball game. A no-brainer shut out. What happened was that Israel got schooled. Defeated. Or as the net culture would say: PWND!1!
Achan admitted what he did only after the grueling process of filtering everyone else out. Achan became part of a gigantic stone pile for disobeying and putting all of Israel at risk and getting some good fighters killed.

Gehazi (2 Kings 5)

The servant of the mighty prophet, Elisha, Gehazi would have probably been on his toes to make sure he was doing things right. Well, no. In chaper 5, we see that Naaman, commander of the army of Aram, had leprosy. Elisha heals him of the leprosy and refuses any compensation. (Very non-jerk like). Naaman even insists to the point that we Americans take as a cue to accept it. Elisha then makes a pledge to God saying he won't take anything. As they part ways, Gehazi determines that they just lost out on some good coin and chases Naaman down. Gehazi takes advantage of Naaman's good graces and scores more than what he asked for through a lame story.
Elisha questions where Gehazi was and we find out that Gehazi is a really bad liar. He also isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer forgetting that Elisha is really close to an omnipresent God. In short, Gehazi gets leprosy and runs away. Poor dope.

So far, our jerk-ology deals with material wealth. We'll see what other themes there may be in the next post.

No comments: