6.03.2008

8 Less-Obvious Plot Holes or Irritating things in Star Wars

There's another Star Wars movie coming out, did you know? Me neither. I guess I have severed myself from many normal media outlets or this is suppose to slip under the radar as a movie that juuuuuuuuust made it out of a Direct-to-Video decision. I’d like to think that the public has had their fill of Star Wars. I know I have. There is a love/hate relationship that fans have with this series. We’ll watch them and cringe, or just watch certain scenes, or just remember when our childhood didn’t mind seeing campy dialog.

So much has been said already about what works and what doesn’t work about Star Wars, from Jar-Jar (aka The Abomination) to Wedge being proof that you don’t need help from the force or Jedi to survive through the original trilogy, but there are some other points that stick out to me that I haven’t seen people mention much. I need to get them off my chest so here they are:

8. “In my experience, there’s no such thing as luck” Obi Wan - Episode IV

Great philosophy Ben, but remember how Jar-Jar pretty saved everyone by being klutz? If you stand by your statement, then that mean that Jar-Jar was one of the greatest force-users of all.

7. “What I told you was true, from a certain point of view…” Obi Wan - Episode VI

Obi Wan basically covers his butt from telling half truths about something as significant as Luke’s paternal heritage. It’s not really a good representation of even a half truth: “Darth Vader killed your dad, even though Anakin wasn’t given the title until he first turned to the dark side.” Obi-Wan basically shuts Luke up by telling him “that’s life, suck it up – if you don’t kill your dad, we’re all dead and it will be your fault. Can you live with that guilt?”

6. “Only a Sith deals in absolutes!” Obi Wan - Episode III

Yes, a lot of my complaints deal with Obi Wan. It’s mostly because he’s suppose to be the sage and holder of truth that is more palpable than Yoda’s fortune cookie speak. Anyway … after Anakin states that if Obi Wan isn’t aligned with him, then they’re enemies. To which the above quote is stated. Obi-Wan lives in a world of compromise which would give him a place of honor at the table of Scottish nobles in Braveheart … you know, the ones that William Wallace systematically took out one at a time.

5. “You haven’t learned anything.” Obi Wan - Episode II or III, (I can’t remember nor do I care.)

Geez, what a mentor. Sounds like an absolute statement (see #6) to me. “So you’re saying I’m still as knowledgeable as that 8 year old kid you met on that sand planet that called lightsabers “laser swords?”

4. “Is the dark side stronger?” “NO! … no…” – Luke and Yoda - Episode V

What Luke asked as an innocent question was answered with panic and hysteria. Oh really? The dark side isn’t stronger? Ok then how can one Sith be able to blind the entire Jedi Council? Oh and Palpatine kills off several Jedi in 4 seconds that a 30 minute battle scene couldn’t do. Sure.

3. “You speak of the one who is to bring balance to the force and you think it is this boy?” Mace Windu -Episode I

Balance to the force? What the heck does that mean? An equal number of votes between dark and light sides of the force? So you’re saying that the dark side has a place? Yet you’re saying to stay away from the dark side? This is a weird belief system. If balance is meaning an equal number of Jedi to Sith, then at the end of Episode III the score is now brought down to two Jedi (Obi Wan and Yoda) and two Sith (Darth Vader and Palpatine). Balanced was achieved, prophecy fulfilled – why are you complaining?

2. “It seems she’s given up hope.” Some Robot Nurse - Episode III

Padme is dying on a slab from a broken heart, apparently. She’s given birth to twins but that was ok, she apparently is giving up on life knowing that her hubby killed a lot of things dead very quickly. Yet when we hear her final words she said “There’s still good in him.” Huh? Do you have hope or not? Could you stay alive and talk a little bit more about this?

1. The Jedi Council – Episode I, II & III

Lucas’ hatred of politicians is evident with the Senate wishy-washyness and easily corruptibleness and other “ness’s,” but the same thing is apparent with the Jedi Council as they basically refuse any type of request brought to them. This makes the Sith look like the only group that gets anything done. Let look at the scoreboard:

SITH

  • Manipulates the Trade Federation to force a vote of no-confidence of the current Chancellor
  • Created a secret Army and keeping it hidden by removing the planets record from the Jedi Library
  • Trained Sith arts to people that don’t really have to sign on as full-fledge members
  • Manipulate the Senate to give obtain martial law
  • Outsourced the Death Star … twice
  • Wiped out all but two Jedi


JEDI

  • Refuses to train people
  • Killed two Sith, but that was actually what the Sith wanted anyway


Being a Jedi seems to be a lot less appealing now. What’s more is that it’s really easy to turn to the Dark Side, to release your anger – like when laying down tile flooring. I would very much like to use force lightning if after I shout “This will never line up!!!” and Obi Wan jumps in and says “Only a Sith deals in absolutes!”

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1 comment:

Robert said...

Know you too why speaks like this yoda does? Dark it is under the table. Hand up puppet hard it is to turn pages of script. Reading it is hard, try it YOU should sometime!